Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I Have Lost It

I feel like I have lost a huge part of me. I have lost all motivation. I hate going to bed because I know that I have to wake up in the morning. I can't seem to make it through the day without crying. I don't care about work anymore, I don't care about school anymore. I don't care about anything. Even when the sun is shining on my face, I find it hard to care. I feel either blank or pain. I feel alone in all of this and fear that I am losing my mind. I stay away from people because if they had to be around me, they would choose to stay away from me. I go to work, do my job and come home and cry.

I hate this. I want me back. I want to wake up in the morning and feel like I have a purpose again. Not this, I don't want this anymore. I don't want this. Anymore.


maxwelton's braes are bonny said...

Hey Beautiful,
That sounds like post partum depression, even though you miscarried. I went through it too. You need to go talk or see your doctor and get some help. Don't be embarrassed about it. It is also called greif and it takes a while and that is OKAY and NORMAL! Know that, please. Also, some hospitals have miscarriage support groups. They help.
Please know that we're here for you. Peace to you. Take care.

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It's just me :) said...

Oh girl! My heart just breaks for you. When I lost my baby I went through the same emotions and they are absolutely awful. I agree with a previous commentor. Get some help if you can. It took me two years to finally make the call (which to me, was the hardest part) but once I did, I found it to be a release.

There will always be hard days, and some will be worse than others, but you WILL get you back, maybe slightly different, but it will still be you.

(((HUGS))) I am so sorry honey. I wish I could reach through the computer and wrap you up in my arms.

The Future Missy Prissy RN said...

Sweetie I am so sorry.. So so sorry.

Kim said...

Not only does this sound like post partum depression, but you are grieving, too. I am so sorry over the loss of your little guy. My heart hit the floor when I read this today.


Rayner said...

So, I do not really believe it will have effect.