Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I Have Lost It

I feel like I have lost a huge part of me. I have lost all motivation. I hate going to bed because I know that I have to wake up in the morning. I can't seem to make it through the day without crying. I don't care about work anymore, I don't care about school anymore. I don't care about anything. Even when the sun is shining on my face, I find it hard to care. I feel either blank or pain. I feel alone in all of this and fear that I am losing my mind. I stay away from people because if they had to be around me, they would choose to stay away from me. I go to work, do my job and come home and cry.

I hate this. I want me back. I want to wake up in the morning and feel like I have a purpose again. Not this, I don't want this anymore. I don't want this. Anymore.

6 comments:

maxwelton's braes are bonny said...

Hey Beautiful,
That sounds like post partum depression, even though you miscarried. I went through it too. You need to go talk or see your doctor and get some help. Don't be embarrassed about it. It is also called greif and it takes a while and that is OKAY and NORMAL! Know that, please. Also, some hospitals have miscarriage support groups. They help.
{HUGS!}
Please know that we're here for you. Peace to you. Take care.

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It's just me :) said...

Oh girl! My heart just breaks for you. When I lost my baby I went through the same emotions and they are absolutely awful. I agree with a previous commentor. Get some help if you can. It took me two years to finally make the call (which to me, was the hardest part) but once I did, I found it to be a release.

There will always be hard days, and some will be worse than others, but you WILL get you back, maybe slightly different, but it will still be you.

(((HUGS))) I am so sorry honey. I wish I could reach through the computer and wrap you up in my arms.

The Future Missy Prissy RN said...

Sweetie I am so sorry.. So so sorry.

Kim said...

Not only does this sound like post partum depression, but you are grieving, too. I am so sorry over the loss of your little guy. My heart hit the floor when I read this today.

{{{{}}}}}

Rayner said...

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